


Bonds

by keirajo



Series: TF:MTMTE/LL-A.U. (divergence from canon) [2]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 09:06:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14329140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keirajo/pseuds/keirajo
Summary: Rodimus has discovered that the incident on Injher 7 has left him with some memory loss.   A very important memory that defined who he has been for millions of years.   Megatron is still trying to get him to not wish for death and a bond of something deeper than friendship is beginning to form between them.





	Bonds

_**Bonds** _

 

 

            “I am completely unhappy to be here, Megatron,” Rodimus said quietly.  He had recrafted his holomatter avatar, which suited his new (and rather anti-social) mood.  Most of the clothing was the same…he still had the black pants and boots, the red tee-shirt with the yellow flame emblem and Autobot mark on it…but instead of the layered button-up shirts and vest he’d had before, now he just had a very dark red hooded sweatshirt that was a solid color, no markings or patterns at all.  He had the hood up, hiding his face as best as he could.  His hands were deep in the front pockets of the sweatshirt.

            Ever since the incident on Injher 7 a couple weeks ago, Rodimus no longer interacted with the crew.  He’d barely spoken 5 minutes with Ultra Magnus before asking him to leave the room.  He was still hoping Megatron would leave him alone long enough so he could go off and do something to end his life.  But Megatron seemed to want to keep Rodimus within arm’s length…and made Ravage play babysitter and bodyguard when he couldn’t keep Rodimus in sight himself.  At first Ravage had protested, until he’d seen for himself how broken Rodimus was.

            “That’s too bad, the crew needs shore leave and you agreed,” Megatron chuckled, grabbing Rodimus’ arm quickly to pull him through the crowded plaza.

            “I agreed **_the crew_** needed shore leave, not me,” Rodimus pouted, trying to keep up with his “co-captain”.

            Megatron had recrafted his avatar a little bit too, the hair was not so grey anymore, there were wings of color on the sides, from his temples back, of a somber brown-black.  Also there were fewer lines in his face as well.  Today he had clothed his avatar with the regular white shirt and grey-black pants, but he had on a stylish men’s casual coat.

            “Do you honestly think I was going to leave you on the ship **_alone_**?”  Megatron said, stopping and pulling Rodimus close, as the excited crowd seemed to intensify.   There was a big celebration going on here on this world.  A lot of different species from other worlds were here as well.   Their Cybertronian bodies were in a large parking lot, not far away from the plaza area, in their vehicle modes…Rodimus’ sleek racing form and Megatron’s large armoured transport vehicle form.   They were both projecting their avatars into the plaza area to join in the festivities…as many of the crew members were doing.  “It’s definitely festive,” the ex-Decepticon Leader chuckled warmly, his arm around Rodimus’ shoulder and holding the younger Cybertronian against his chest.

            Rodimus pouted.  He didn’t want Megatron to coddle him like this…because then he was afraid he’d want **_more_** from the ex-Decepticon.  Like in that little fictional headworld he’d created, when First Aid and Chromedome were trying to save his life.  Didn’t Megatron understand what he was doing…?  But, Rodimus felt himself relax, because…in his Spark…he’d fallen for Megatron already and wanted more.  When Megatron extended that hand of friendship a few weeks after the incident…Rodimus didn’t want to take it, though he very reluctantly did.

            “Let’s see if we can find somewhere just a little bit quieter…” Megatron murmured, maneuvering them both through the crowd over to some less crowded areas by storefronts that didn’t seem too busy.  “Ah…here’s a good spot to take a breather,” he chuckled warmly, squeezing Rodimus’ avatar’s hand.  He noticed Rodimus staring at the ground so that with the hood up, Megatron couldn’t see his face at all.  “What’s wrong…?  Is it too much…?” He asked softly, reaching his free hand out to cup Rodimus’ cheek and tilt his face upwards.

            Rodimus’ avatar was blushing…the cheeks and bridge of the nose were a dark pink.

            “Is it really that embarrassing to be out with me, Rodimus?” Megatron sighed softly, letting go of his co-captain’s hand.

            “You’re **_cruel_**.  You are **_so cruel_** …….” Rodimus whispered, standing on tip-toe and reaching up to kiss Megatron’s avatar’s lips with his own.  “That’s payback for being so cruel to me,” he added, spinning around and pulling the hood around his face.

            Megatron face-palmed himself.  What the hell kind of signal was **_that_**?  The words did not even match that action whatsoever.  He knew that Rodimus hated him as well as loved him…………but for the love of Primus, at least be consistent on what emotions you’re showing at one time! 

            “All right, if I am cruel and that’s what you want…” Megatron chuckled, grabbing Rodimus’ arm and tugging him into the nearby alleyway.  He leaned against the wall and pulled Rodimus against him, roughly.  “Come now…you’re not going to get cold circuits now, are you?”  He taunted.   “Show a bit more of that energy I used to see from you.  **_Hot Rod_**.”

            “I **_hate_** that…I **_told you_** I hate that…” Rodimus groaned as the generic sensitivity of the avatars made him gasp with the suddenness of touch between them.   He suddenly couldn’t help it…he suddenly wanted to be all over Megatron.  “Damn you…you were planning this…for weeks…” Rodimus whispered, wanting to both punch and kiss Megatron.

            “It’s hard to ignore such passion, even though you are trying so desperately to hide it,” Megatron chuckled softly.  “Now then… ** _this_** is much more like you…a lot more **_heated_** …” he purred seductively.

 

**_~_ **

 

            Rodimus bolted upright from the recharge slab.  “ ** _The hell_** …?”  He muttered.  He looked over and saw Ravage sitting and staring at him.  “ ** _What_**?” Rodimus snapped, annoyed and frustrated.   He always set his recharge mode to “no dreams”, so _why_ was his own body countermanding his wishes!?

            “Are you honestly _that dumb_?” Ravage laughed.  “Look…why don’t you just tell Megatron, all right?  It’s incredibly annoying to have to watch you pretend to hide it.”

            “He _doesn’t_ want that, Ravage,” Rodimus whispered.  “Not my feelings, nor me.  He’s just trying to be a good person is all…so he’s making a _friend_ out of me.”  Rodimus lowered his forehead to his pulled up knees and gave a sad little sigh.   “I _hate_ that I can’t get back to how I was……………before………………..” he murmured.   He still couldn’t figure out what was _missing_ …..what had _changed_ him.  He knew he wasn’t the same, but he couldn’t figure out _why_.  The brain damage turned out to be something much more secret and subtle.

            “You were an idiot before…and you’re _still_ an idiot.  I don’t see what’s changed, except you avoid everyone on the ship now………..” Ravage muttered, sarcasm in his voice.   “Which is the **_dumbest thing ever_**.  Because do you know how many people are trying to talk to you?  It seems like a lot of people are actually worried…you seriously scared Ultra Magnus by asking him to leave you alone so _nicely_.”

            “Then let me **_end it_** …….I’m so _tired_ , Ravage.  I’m so tired of living with this untreatable ache,” Rodimus said, desperately.

            “You know I can’t do that…Megatron’d be pissed if I did,” Ravage snapped back, getting up and pacing around the room.  “What’s the deal here anyways?  It’s _not_ just what happened when you were dying in the medi-bay.  Something happened before then…maybe you need to talk to someone about it?”  The robotic panther said softly, settling down in front of the door and staring at Rodimus again.

            “Drift was stupid and selfish…and that’s _all_ I’m going to say aloud, you can think what you want, but there was **_no bonding_**.  It didn’t have time to even happen,” Rodimus said quietly.  Even though he felt there was something more to it, it was far easier to blame Drift and what did and did not happen between the two of them.

            “Ah,” Ravage murmured, thinking it over.  That was what it was then…an unfulfilled potential of a lifebond, cut short by the incident with Overlord and Drift’s subsequent banishment, he thought to himself.   A hidden pain deep inside…probably brought to the surface with what Rodimus experienced when he was being operated on after the incident on Injher 7.  “I still think you should actually tell Megatron how you feel.  This is why you’re hurting so badly, because you didn’t say anything aloud with Drift.  Though what you could _possibly_ see in a syk-addict like Deadlock, I have no idea……..” Ravage chuckled, trying a little bit of levity.

            Rodimus gave a little chuckle.   “Forgot that was his name before,” he murmured, smiling.  “It could’ve happened…it was almost there, and then…?  He said he’d take the blame, knowing I would pretty much have to have him leave the ship.   Whatever may have been happening between us was clearly not as important as him having to take the blame for _everything_ that was wrong in the universe,” he groaned, burying his head in his knees.

            “He may have been wrong for **_you_** , then,” Ravage said with a tilt of his head.   “Look…I’ve never actually had a bonding relationship with anyone, since Cybertronians like me are treated as _‘lesser beings’_ —but from the bondings I’ve seen, it takes **_both beings_** to make it work…and it sounds like neither of you were at the point of making whatever it was you had any kind of salvageable.   But the potential is suddenly there now, again…with Megatron.  He’s trying to grasp his old life back…it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I know Soundwave is feeling pretty spark-stabbed because of it.   What’s on this ship is a lot like Megatron’s initial idea of a Cybertronian society—free to be whoever you want to be, without prejudice or judgement.  I think that’s why Megatron is very comfortable here—it’s what he always wanted.  _Before_ the Senate used Shadowplay on him.”

            Ravage paused, paced the room a few times and then settled back down by the door.

            “I don’t think it’s beyond Megatron for something to happen between you two.  I haven’t seen him open up to anyone like he has to you,” the robotic panther said, sharply.   “Look, **_the worst_** he could do is say he’s actually not interested…but, I think he possibly could be.  And if he **_is_** …I think it’s up to you to show him your interest and let it go from there.”

            “Would it help to say that I’m scared of what his answer would be?” Rodimus chuckled, turning his head barely on his knees so that he could focus one optic on Ravage.

            “Pfft… ** _you_** , scared of something?  But, honestly, I am refreshed at seeing that you are a normal and average Cybertronian—not a whack-job like Whirl,” the robotic panther laughed.  “I had my doubts about you…the way the crew talks about you.   I’m not really certain why you’re hiding it, though…that’s what I don’t get.”

            “Because…I get more done that way…and…” Rodimus looked away from Ravage.  “I won’t lose anyone else.”

            Ravage made a soft throaty sound of affirmative, to let Rodimus know he was listening.  Megatron had said to him what he thought Rodimus may have experienced in his past, which made him break so recently…it seemed Megatron may have been right on some of his assumptions.  These two Cybertronians…so stupid.  Megatron had become emotionally vulnerable and Rodimus was so very lonely…they could help heal each other.

            Soundwave sent Ravage to bring Megatron back to the Decepticons, but after the time they had been here on this crew…Ravage saw Megatron act normal…and _happy_.  Maybe part of it was the neurochem in the Fool’s Energon, but all that did was just calm a Cybertronian.  Megatron had started doing things again, things that Soundwave said Megatron used to do, before the war…things Ravage had never seen Megatron do as _“The Leader”_.  Megatron was writing again…observations and memoirs of the time on this ship, for now, to get back in the practice of writing.  Ravage didn’t want to ruin that for Megatron.  And Ravage found the crew humourous and interesting.  He got annoyed with that female in the engine room, she kept talking to him like he was an infant…but he knew she was kind and probably didn’t know of any Cybertronians with a non-two-legged form.  Ravage was used to that, even on Cybertron…but most of those people were serious in their degrading of non-two-legged Cybertronians.  He knew that Nautica was really not like that at all………..even if it really annoyed him.

 

 

*      *     *     *     *

 

 

            “Who would name a leisure planet _‘Purgatory’_?”  Perceptor said with a groan.  The command crew was having a meeting.  “I want to put forth that I have some **_severe reservations_** about shore leave here.”

            “Reservations heard and noted,” Ultra Magnus said, inputting it on his datapad.  “Captain…mmm…”

            “Apologies, it seems I _still_ cannot get Rodimus out of my room,” Megatron said softly.  “I have been making him work, at least.  He does agree that shore leave has been earned, but we all know some of us will not be going.”  Megatron looked over the data of the planet and approved shore leave for 20 hours, in two 10 hour shifts.  He asked that the information on the planet, any rules and regulations, be circulated amongst the crew and conduct a sign-up for the two shifts.  “I’ll give the information to our suddenly very reluctant captain,” he added, getting up and walking to his quarters.

            “Welcome back,” Ravage said, chuckling as he moved away from the door and let Megatron enter.

            “Thank you,” Megatron chuckled in return.  “Here, Rodimus…approval for the shore leave.  Here’s the data and details of the planet,” he said, handing a datapad to the younger Cybertronian.  “You should go out on shore leave.  I think it would do you good.”

            “If you let me out of here, you won’t see me again,” Rodimus mumbled, rolling to his side and facing away from Megatron.  “Besides, _you’re_ not going.”

            “I _can’t_ go,” Megatron sighed.  “You know I _can’t_.  It’s not allowed, as part of my parole here.  Ultra Magnus would likely have to stand at my back glaring the whole time.”

            “If you’re not going, it means Magnus can’t go, since Optimus left him as your _‘parole officer’_ ,” Rodimus snorted.

            “Magnus can go…and I insist he does.  You are the one who takes his place, when he’s absent, remember……….. _co-captain_?  So, since I have to stay…you’re going to stay with me then, right?”  The former Decepticon laughed.

            “ ** _Pfft_** ,” Rodimus laughed.  “I suppose so.”  Rodimus stared at the wall, listlessly.  What should he do?  This was stupid…he couldn’t be stuck with Megatron for all that time…with the crew rotating in shifts planetside for shore leave.  Because Megatron would have his shift of shore leave here on the ship…where he’d probably be in the room most of the time………..Rodimus would never survive that!     He was feeling spark-stabbed by the emotions he felt inside.  The conflicting emotions and wondering what was real and what was induced by what he experienced in the medi-bay.  And the things he suddenly couldn’t remember, but he felt had an impact on what was happening right here and right now.

            “The Earth humans have a saying… ** _penny for your thoughts_**?”  Megatron chuckled, sitting on the end of the recharge slab.  “Though even on Earth…that penny would not buy much at all—would that mean thoughts are _worthless_?”  He added, with a wry and humourous tone.

            “ _Mine_ probably are,” Rodimus sighed, but he smiled at Megatron’s odd attempt at humour.  Megatron had been trying to refine that a little over the months.  “Hey…if **_I_** went on shore leave, could **_you_** come with me, then?  Or does that break parole?  I mean…do I really have any rank on this ship anymore, since Optimus put **_you_** in charge?”  He said aloud.  It wasn’t what he was really thinking, but it would distract Megatron from digging too much deeper at the moment.

            “You’re still mad at Optimus for doing that, aren’t you?” Megatron said, tilting his head curiously at Rodimus..

            “Kinda,” Rodimus mumbled.

            “I think it’s his idea of a joke, honestly,” Megatron chuckled.  “Optimus would know that no matter what, a ship full of mostly Autobots would not listen to me at all.  _No matter what_.”  Megatron spread his arms out behind him and leaned back a little.  “ _You’re_ still the leader here, you need to believe in yourself more.”

            “I lost that a long, **_long_** time ago…” Rodimus whispered.  “When Drift left…I mean…” he trailed off, then immediately shut himself up.  He shouldn’t have even mentioned Drift…it made his Spark ache even more.  What was _wrong_ with him?  _Who_ did he love?  Did he love _Drift_ …did he love _Megatron_?  Did he **_hate himself_** …or…?  **_Oh._**   Oh, **_that_** was it………there was another name, an older name…………….suddenly Rodmus remembered a name that was attached to _“sparkmate”_ , but he couldn’t remember anything else but that single name and it suddenly made him so very, very sad deep inside.  “I’m a mess.  I’m such **_a mess_** …I don’t even know who I am anymore, Megatron…I really don’t.”

            Megatron reached over and patted Rodimus’ shoulder lightly.  Trying very hard to console him.  “Did you and Deadlock ever confirm your bond?”  Then Megatron paused.  “I mean _‘Drift’_ …” he added, apologetically.

            “I don’t even know if we had anything, I really thought we did…but afterwards, when I think about it, I don’t know if he was doing all that to make me feel good or better or whatever.  He may have even just been excessive in showing gratefulness to me for stopping him from suicide or falling into the depths of evil or whatever…and I was just interpreting it wrong,” Rodimus mumbled.  It was suddenly out there and he couldn’t take the words back anymore.  It was out there and what did that make Megatron think of him?  “I just…want to be _saved_ ,” Rodimus whispered, very softly.  “I think I was asking that of Drift…not vocally…but I think that’s why he supported my idea of this quest.  It was **_his_** way of helping to save me.  But I _can’t_ be saved…can I?  Every single time I try to do the right thing…people get hurt and they die…and it’s not fair.”

            Megatron patted Rodimus’ shoulder again.  The poor Cybertronian…he’d really lost all of that self-confidence he had at one time.  He remembered this one as being ridiculously overconfident…and now it was all gone.  They were layers he used to protect the depths of his Spark…a lonely person trying to find some meaning to their fragile existence in the universe.  All those layers of protection were gone and he was so very vulnerable.

            “I think…whether we admit it or not…there are many of us who want to be saved,” Megatron responded in a very soft tone, with his deep voice.  “I think that’s why so many came aboard your ship and added themselves to your quest…they were all looking for _something_ , all hoping to find salvation and their place in the universe.”

            “Megatron…do _you_ want to be saved?”  Rodimus whispered.

            “I find this difficult to say aloud…but, _yes_ …I think a part of me would very much like to live now,” he murmured in response, patting Rodimus’ shoulder again.  “I was resigned to my execution…the only reason I made this request and put Cybertron in that situation was that I was not going to let Starscream rob me of my dignity before my execution.”  Then he gave a little sigh.  “Tell me…why _did_ you come to my cell that day?  If you hadn’t…I would not have been able to get that message to Ultra Magnus and Prime and it wouldn’t have happened.  The trial would’ve been over before we knew it and I would’ve have been executed,” he asked, curiously.

            “I never admitted it…I don’t admit a lot of things, because it’s too easy to lose things you’re trying to hold on to…but Bumblebee and I were friends, for all the many differences we had.  He trusted you at the end…and he didn’t trust people lightly.  There was a reason, I wanted to see if I could find it,” Rodimus said, carefully.  Trying to put feelings into understandable words.  “I read _‘Towards Peace’_ , back in the era around when it came out, you know………I’m not as young as you think.  It’s a pretty phenominal piece of writing…I don’t think people realize that, because Shadowplay made everyone think you were a crazy despot instead.  Then they say _‘Megatron_ _wrote that, it’s gotta be horrible’_.  They forgot where you came from and why you rebelled…and that’s their mistake.”

            “Those who forget the mistakes in history are doomed to repeat them,” Megatron chuckled.  “I don’t mind being here…I don’t mind the Fool’s Energon, even.  If it’s just a neuro-modifier, fine…let it modify me a little.  Being able to not look over my shoulder and worry about my existence…when I probably should, given the situation sometimes…is actually rather relaxing.”

            “Hm.”  Rodmus turned over and sat up.  “Do you ever think about what _you_ want, then…if you want to live?”  He asked, curiously, pulling his legs up and resting his chin on his knees.

            “To be honest?  Not much.  I think I’d like to see what these _‘Knights of Cybertron’_ are like…” Megatron trailed off.  “Having friends has also been nice…at least the few that I’ve made here,” he added with a soft chuckle, smiling fondly at Rodimus.

            “Friends are a nice thing…I wish I had _more_ of them…Drift…….” Rodimus murmured, sadness in his voice.   And there was that other name……….the one he couldn’t say aloud, because he couldn’t remember the person…………..it made his sadness even stronger.

            “Do you miss him?  Do you still love him?” Megatron asked, softly.

            “Miss him… ** _hell, yeah_** ,” Rodimus chuckled.  “Still love him?  I worry if I actually did in the first place……or if I just _wanted_ to?” He responded, quietly.  “Want to hear something _funny_?”  He chuckled, looking up and gazing at Megatron with a silly grin.   “I think some…really _crazy_ things about you, Megatron…….” Rodimus trailed off and then buried his face in his knees.  “Really… ** _weird_** …things…weird and **_enjoyable_** things…….” he whispered.  “I think I’m going **_crazy_** and…I…these things… ** _excite me_** …and…” he said very quietly.

            “Using the _avatars_ , I’m assuming,” Megatron chuckled softly.  “We spent a bit of time on Earth, didn’t we?”  He said, smiling.  He reached over and laid a gentle hand on Rodimus’ shoulder.  “The Earthlings were _strange_ …and surprisingly resilient for being such a fragile species,” he added.    Then Megatron paused, drawing his hand down Rodimus’ arm and tugging lightly on the wrist to free a hand.  “Why don’t we give it a shot then?  Half the crew will be on shore leave, it’ll be quiet here and we’ll have the time for ourselves.  Let’s get ourselves and our potential feelings get sorted out…and see what can be done to quench that fire,” he said, clasping Rodimus’ hand lightly.

            Rodimus chuckled, looking at the clasped hands longingly.  “I think my Spark just went into burnout,” he laughed warmly, squeezing Megatron’s hand gently.

            “Before we even **_do_** anything?  Hang in there just a little bit longer!”  Megatron laughed.

 

 

*      *     *     *     *

 

 

            “It’s fine, Ultra Magnus…don’t worry.  **_It is fine_** ,” Megatron said softly.  “I want you to go on shore leave…take a walk, see some of the things that they have for visitors to see.  Rodimus won’t go anywhere and won’t see anyone…so I may as well be stuck here, too.  I promise…I won’t do anything foolish or disagreeable,” he chuckled when Ultra Magnus massively frowned at him.  “I’ll keep an eye on him,” he added, smiling.

            Megatron stood at the door with Nightbeat and some of the security and watched half of the crew disembark.  After the last of the first group went off, two guards posted themselves at the ship bay doors and Nightbeat excused himself to go sift through unsolved mysteries he’d been collecting for months.  Megatron chuckled to himself and shook his head, then walked towards his room.

            Rodimus was still lying out on the recharge slab.  He was very still, so Megatron thought he must still be in recharge mode.  He walked over and leaned over Rodimus, placing a hand on the upturned shoulder.

            “I thought it best to leave the body in a standby mode,” Rodimus’ voice said from behind him, sounding a bit odd.

            Megatron turned and saw Rodimus’ Earth-human avatar leaning against the wall, near the far corner of the room.  The avatar seemed pared down a little, just the red tee-shirt with the yellow flame design and Autobot symbol and the slate-grey pants and black boots.  Then, Rodimus suddenly seemed embarrassed at Megatron looking at him and rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away.  Megatron chuckled, heaved himself up onto the recharge slab and laid down next to Rodimus’ Cybertronian form.  He placed himself into standby mode and activated his avatar.

            “Well then,” Megatron chuckled, holding out a hand towards Rodimus.  “If you don’t mind my age, let us see what we can do here,” he said, softly, as Rodimus slipped his avatar’s hand into his own.  He pulled Rodimus to him, gently.

            “No……..wait…….. ** _too close_** …………too fast………..” Rodimus stammered anxiously.  “Oh… ** _oh_**!” He groaned softly as Megatron slid a hand over his rear and squeezed gently.

            “Are you really **_this_** sensitive…perhaps you should have your avatar system looked at?”  Megatron said, chuckling softly.

            “It’s…it’s **_not_** that…I…” Rodimus began, an uncontrollable stammer in his voice.

            “You’ve been thinking about doing things like this for some time now, haven’t you?  It’s made your longing more **_intense_** …” Megatron said softly.  “And you’re **_young_**.  You think of things passionately and in the moment.”

            “It makes me sound pretty **_stupid_** ,” Rodimus muttered, leaning his cheek against Megatron’s shoulder.  “Stupid and selfish…I don’t know.  Inside that headworld…………it was………..it felt really natural to do things like this with you.  But now…………. ** _performance anxiety_** , I guess?”  He added with a wry chuckle.

            “Chromedome gave your brain the ideas necessary to craft a fictional story…and in stories, things flow naturally to move the story along at a set pace and style,” Megatron explained, gently maneuvering Rodimus against the wall and reached over to cup Rodimus’ face and tilt it to look up at him.  “In reality…everything will be done more awkwardly and with hesitation.  **_Fear,_** even.  Are you afraid of me…or of this?”  He asked softly, lowering his face so that their noses rubbed against each other lightly.

            “Yeah………..a little,” Rodimus whispered, realizing he shouldn’t fake things or lie about this.  It would show for certain once things got more………… _intense_.

            “Of **_me_**?”  The older Cybertronian murmured, lips lightly brushing over Rodimus’ own.

            “You’re **_Megatron_** …………hell yes, I’m scared of you,” Rodimus chuckled, tilting his head gently to accept the incoming kiss.

            “Of **_this_**?”  Megatron responded with a light chuckle, as well, pausing with his lips lightly over Rodimus’.

            “Maybe……………but I think I **_want it_** more than fear it,” Rodimus answered honestly.

            Then Megatron kissed him, gently at first.  Then with a bit more pressure and intensity, sliding his tongue through Rodimus’ lips, which parted shyly in acceptance of the excited motion.  The older Cybertronian held his hands firm on both sides of Rodimus’ face, the avatars had a basic sense of various sensations—so that the Cybertronian using that avatar would be able to react normally and naturally to an environment around them.   This sensation was soothing and pleasant…and stirred other sensations to the forefront of their thoughts.  As soon as Megatron pulled his face away, he gently rested his forehead against Rodimus’.

            “I…………am not sure whether I should be surprised you were good at that…………or be happy that you’ve got skills, old man,” Rodimus chuckled softly, not looking at Megatron directly, since their heads were kind of touching. 

            “I’ve always been proud of educating myself on things before I try them… _usually_ ,” Megatron laughed softly.  “The avatar system is intuitive…based on both your personality and your knowledge of the species you’re _‘wearing’_.”

            “So…you’re saying you _studied_ the Earth humans?”  Rodimus inquired, slipping his fingers through the part in the shirt that Megatron had left his avatar’s shirt with.   He knew he couldn’t really mess with the clothing layer of another’s avatar, but he could make the motions.

            “Didn’t **_you_**?”  Megatron laughed, making a light rumble in his chest.  Now that…that was an unnecessary, but incredibly realistic gesture, showing that Megatron really had skills to make a realistic avatar.

            “Not really.  I found Earth pretty boring, to tell the truth,” Rodimus sighed, giving a light shrug of his shoulders.  “But I was there long enough to have to craft an avatar.  Ask me to craft an avatar on any other world and it would probably be unlikely I’d have any details right on it.  I don’t really care.”

            “Why is that?” Megatron murmured, leaning in and brushing lips along Rodimus’ neck.  “Is there anything you **_do_** have interest in?”  He added, nipping lightly with his teeth, which elicited a sharp gasp from his younger companion.  “Here…I know this is also _unnecessary_ , but it will be mentally more comforting.”  Megatron easily scooped Rodimus into his arms and walked over to a footrest near the desk.  It was short enough…and large enough…to serve the purpose of _“bed”_ for them.  “Now…” he began, laying Rodimus back and leaning over him.  “Let’s have some pillow talk as we indulge in foreplay, shall we?  I would like to know more about **_Hot Rod of Nyon_** ,” he chuckled warmly, slipping a hand lightly across the side of Rodimus’ avatar’s face, cupping it very tenderly.

            “Well…then you should know that _‘Hot Rod of Nyon’_ would really prefer not to be called that anymore.  Just _‘Rodimus’_ ,” he responded with a slight pout, glancing away from Megatron.

            “Why is that?  Why are you so angry at your old name?”  Megatron murmured, gently nuzzling Rodimus’ neck.

            “It’s…………all my **_failures_** ,” Rodimus whispered softly.  “So many failures.  So many missions where I lost friends and comrades.  I wanted a change.  Stupid Swindle gave me the damn name **_Rodimus_** and it just stuck…Optimus made it official after I brought the Matrix back to him.  You killed _‘Hot Rod’_ anyways…remember?  The Matrix revived me and I was pretty sure I was living on borrowed time.  I’m pretty sure I still _am_ ………..really…………..I never did any better as _‘Rodimus’_ either.”  Rodimus felt ache growing inside of him again and tried to pull away from Megatron.

            “ ** _Stop_**.  I am not letting you go anywhere,” Megatron said forcefully, tugging the resisting body closer to him.  “Yes.  I remember that.  You had seen something Shockwave had not wanted you to see, I was partially a puppet then—he’d brought me back with one of his specialized Ores.  I was a dead Cybertronian walking…it wasn’t until Cybertron’s reformatting began to take hold and called all of its children home that I was purged of everything that made me what I was then,” the former Decepticon responded, embracing Rodimus and burying his face in the younger Cybertronian’s neck.  “I’ve _never_ expected forgiveness…I just would like the opportunity to live and try to do better this time.”

            Rodimus heard the tones of regret in Megatron’s deep voice.  He was living on borrowed time, though…after the Knights of Cybertron were found, Megatron’s trial would continue.  No matter what good and amazing things he did here on the _Lost Light_ , that trial was doomed to end in Megtron’s execution.  **_Nothing else_** would satisfy the people of Cybertron.  Here Rodimus was trying to die because he was tired of living…and Megatron suddenly so desperately wanted to live, but he was destined to be executed soon enough.  It was maddening that fate always gave you the opposite of what you wanted……………..

            Suddenly Rodimus felt energized, could he have a chance at love and redemption here?  Was it even possible that he could be forgiven for……………that past thing that he didn’t really remember anymore?  It was **_maddening_**.  **_But!_**   Right now…there was life and death and intimacy cocooned all around them.  Gently he pushed on Megatron’s avatar’s shoulder and pushed the older Cybertronian over.  Now he was lying stretched out atop Megatron and he gently initiated a sloppy kiss he had no skill, but he had enthusiasm, if that meant anything at all.

            “Mmmmmm…I **_liked_** that,” Megatron purred seductively.

            “You’re a real jerk, you know that,” Rodimus stammered, anxious and nervous about what was likely to soon happen.

            “All right…I’ll stop teasing you about it and let you do as you like,” Megatron said, reaching over and warmly touseling the holomatter avatar’s brown hair.  That made Rodimus give him a very adorable pouty face.  “Hmmmm…if you don’t hurry now, I may take over and we’ll do it **_my_** way…….” He trailed off, very much charged up by the cute pout on the other’s face.

            “What?  **_Why?_** ”  Rodimus grumbled.

            “Primus…you have no idea how utterly **_adorable_** you look when you pout,” Megatron chuckled, reaching down and gently running a thumb and forefinger along Rodimus’ avatar’s jawline.  “You made a really **_nice_** avatar, Rodimus…I very much like it.”

            Rodimus’ avatar’s face turned bright red.

            “You can even blush, too, that is _even more_ adorable,” Megatron said, grinning at him.  “Better hurry…or else I’m going to do what I want,” he chuckled, caressing Rodimus’ jawline again.

            “You jerk…you _stupid_ jerk,” Rodimus whispered, embarrassed and unable to focus on what he was going to originally do.  “Do what you want………….” He murmured, rising up and sitting in a kneeling position.  He crossed his arms, but not angrily…in a more shy and embarrassed— ** _protective_** —gesture.

            “Don’t be angry,” Megatron murmured, gently tugging on the younger Cybertronian’s avatar to pull him into his lap and they could cuddle.  “Your pouting is _cute_ , but I don’t want you to be upset, all right?” He said softly, nuzzling Rodimus’ neck.

            “I’m…not angry…I’m just…” Rodimus murmured, about to shove at Megatron to push him away with a bit of frustration.  Megatron caught his hand and gazed into his eyes.  It made Rodimus feel like he was probably blushing even more.  “I can’t win against you, can I?” He sighed.

            “I wasn’t aware we were in a contest of any sort,” Megatron said softly.

            “Why are you so damn good at doing things…I want you to _not_ be good at something for once,” the younger Cybertronian sighed, tugging again at Megatron’s open shirt collar.

            “You don’t like being dominated, do you?  That’s what this is about…a part of you wants to surrender to all of this, but you’re not the type to do so,” Megatron said softly.  “I understand.  But there is going to be a dominant partner and a submissive partner here…you have to choose which one feels the most comfortable to you.”   When Rodimus just gave him more silence and tugging on the holomatter shirt, Megatron gave a soft sigh.  “You need to _choose **,**_ Rodimus.  I can _force_ you…and maybe you’ll even enjoy it…but I _don’t_ want to force you.  I want you to **_choose_** it.”

            “I’m scared…I’m scared of letting myself go…of giving myself over……..of **_you_** ,” Rodimus whispered.

            “I know you are,” Megatron murmured softly.  “It’s all right to be scared, fear is what keeps you alive.  Fear of living…of facing the next day…” he gently rubbed noses with the younger Cybertronian.  “But when you’re scared, you find the courage to accept what comes at you…of waking up that next day and living.  Fear is a motivator, for you to do the best with your life.  **_In your life_**.”

            “I’ve never heard it put that way before.  I’ve always carried this motto of _‘no fear’_ ,” Rodimus murmured, brushing lips lightly with Megatron.  “I want you to take me, all right…and if you have to be a bit rough, **_do it_**.  Because I do want it.  I’m just _scared_ , okay?”  He whispered softly.  “I really _do_ want it… he said, nervously hand on Megatron’s avatar’s shirt.  “I’m so scared…………..” he added in a small, quiet voice.

            “It’s all right, we’ll take it nice and slow and if it’s too much, you can tell me to stop,” Megatron murmured, rolling them over and gently caressing the side of Rodimus’ avatar’s face.   “All right?”  He asked, smiling encouragingly down at the younger Cybertronian.

            “Yeah,” Rodimus whispered, nervous but also very excited.

            Only after they had mated like the humans their avatars resembled multiple times, did they quiet down and Rodimus let Megatron cuddle him in his lap.

            “That was…definitely **_something_** ,” Rodimus murmured, rubbing his cheek lightly on the older Cybertronian’s avatar’s shoulder.

            “Something good, I hope,” Megatron chuckled.  He was quite touchy-feely as he cuddled his younger partner.

            “Megatron…can I ask you something serious?” Rodimus asked, pulling away and sitting up to face Megatron as an equal.  Megatron nodded and tossed his head back-and-forth a little as if he were adjusting his neck.  Rodimus was amazed, again, at how natural Megatron was at using the human avatar and making such small, natural gestures so easily.  “Do you think I’m **_worth it_**?  Worth your time?”  He inquired, gazing down at his hands in his lap….belatedly realizing he’d thoughtlessly  reclothed his avatar after all they’d done.

            “There was a time when I thought you were shallow and self-centered,” Megatron began, in a soft voice.   So Rodimus wasn’t too nervous, Megatron made sure he had reclothed his avatar as well.

            Rodimus nodded and chuckled softly, when he realized he’d had a conversation much like this with Drift…in what felt like ages ago now, though it was maybe just a year or two.

            “But now…I think I’ve figured out it was your shield—what you created to protect yourself from pain,” Megatron continued.  “I think a lot of people never looked beyond your face value…you threw that ego in their faces and it pushed them all away, they never tried to look closer.  Except Deadlock…I’m still not sure how far you two got together.”

            “Drift.  That gets to be…….. _complicated_ , I think,” Rodimus sighed.  He knew, in his head, there was more than Drift, but…………he couldn’t tell Megatron that.  It was………..gone forever, that one who was called “sparkmate” once so long ago.  “Keep in mind…this is **_my_** interpretation of our relationship.  If you look at _Conjunx Ritus_ …we…we were at step four.  We already did things that amounted to all the others…hell, Drift was _always_ trying to touch me, so…I think we were always in a state of the _Act of Intimacy_!”  Rodimus laughed.  “It pissed me off half the time, but…after what was likely the _Act of Disclosure_ , I let Drift get away with anything.  What he told me…well.  I can’t just tell anyone that, of course, you know, right?  Because… ** _trust_**.  And you’re sitting here inside his _Act of Profference_ —he got me this whole damned ship when I said I wanted to go out into space.”

            “And the _Act of Devotion_?”  Megatron asked, reaching over and taking Rodimus’ hands gently into his own.

            “He never asked me what he wanted me to do for him,” Rodimus said, sadness and disappointment in his voice.  All of it……….all of his past.  Drift, that one he had forgotten……..and now there was this with Megatron.  “You know, I would have done _anything_ for him—I really would have.  I…but then he had to go and do **_that_**.  I know he thought he was being a good guy…take the blame and probably he felt he was _protecting_ me.  I **_didn’t want_** to be protected…I wanted…ahhhh, it doesn’t matter **_what_** I wanted.”  Rodimus clasped Megatron’s hands back and then looked up into his face.  “I can’t forgive him…for leaving me behind.  Even if we met up with him again…because you know that’s where Ratchet went…it _can’t_ go back to the way things were.”

            “And now you’ve lost your shield…that’s why you keep trying to kill yourself, isn’t it?  Because the pain is suddenly consuming you,” Megatron murmured.

            “Nobody likes me, Megatron…I didn’t care, with Drift around…I let him get close and I kept everyone as far from me with the most intense ego I could throw out there.  But Drift is gone…and nobody likes me.  And my ego is gone…those stupid spiders sucked it out of my brain,” Rodimus sighed.  “There’s **_nothing_** left for me……..”

            “It was just _one_ spider,” Megatron chuckled, softly, trying to get Rodimus to lighten up a little.

            “You jerk,” Rodimus laughed, very softly.  “You make me think living might not be so bad…even without my shield anymore.”

            “ _Act of Intimacy_ …” Megatron said, smiling.  “So, next is _Disclosure_ …right?”  He tugged Rodimus back into a cuddling position.  “Do you have enough energy to keep your avatar active for a little while yet?”

            “Are you seriously initiating _Conjunx Ritus_?” Rodimus gasped.

            “Why not?”  Megatron murmured, smiling at him.

            “I’m honestly flattered, but don’t you think you’re being a little bit……………quick to rush in, here?” Rodimus sighed, reaching up to brush his new partner’s jawline.

            “Let me tell you about someone…about Terminus,” Megatron said softly.

 

 

*      *     *     *     *

 

 

            Rodimus sat up on the recharge slab.  After Megatron finished his story, they elected to deactivate their avatars and go down to Swerve’s for some drinks.  Megatron was not allowed to have anything but mud-grade Engex, due to the terms of his parole and prescription of Fool’s Energon.  Mud-grade Engex was basically colored water, for whatever it was worth…it provided no pleasure when the f.i.m. chip was deactivated and provided no real energy for a Cybertronian system.  It was a drink to make it look like you were socially drinking.

            After Megatron had woken up, they walked down to the bar.  The halls were very quiet with about half the crew out on shore leave.  Rodimus had a lot to think about now.  Megatron had told him something…something that Rodimus would never have expected.  And he’d been back to the past and seen Megatron as a younger mechanism!  Megatron was serious about this…about becoming _Conjunx Endura_.  Rodimus thought that maybe Megatron was tired of being alone…it’s not a bad reason for seeking out a life-partner.  And who on this ship would give Megatron any comfort or partnership?  Ultra Magnus might give him some friendship…and Megatron had Ravage here.  Some were kindly disposed, such as Velocity, but not looking to make Megatron their best friend or anything.

            _‘But I’ve always been good at picking up strays…herding them to where they need to be, or they die beside me, one or the other.  This is different…Megatron needs to realize what he’s proposing is something more permanent……..’_ Rodimus thought as they sat down at the bar.  _‘Permanent and……………an emotional typhoon.’_

            “Rodimus…you’re out of your room,” Skids said softly.  “Are you all right?”  The Outlier asked, carefully.

            “Blame this guy,” Rodimus chuckled lightly, jabbing a thumb at Megatron sitting next to him.  He didn’t correct Skids’ words of “your room”, when he’d been cooped up in Megatron’s room for all that time.  “Star Spritzer for me…mud-grade for him,” he said as Skids reached under the bar for glasses.  “I’ll be fine…in time…but…I’ll be **_different_**.  The king spider took some of my brain…memories and personality.  I **_won’t_** be the same Rodimus anymore.”

            “As long as you’re alive and okay, it’s all right to change,” Skids said with a smile, mixing the drinks and setting the glasses in front of them both.  “It’s not often I actually work the bar, but…Swerve was excited about scoping the planet and looking for new drinks to make.  And Nautica’s not going until the second shift of shore leave, so…I may as well just keep myself busy until then.  There’s a few people coming in here and there,” he added, nodding over at Perceptor in a corner booth, playing an intense game of “Bluffer’s Bet” with Riptide, Hound and Velocity.  It was a card-strategy game that had become popular in recent years amongst Cybertronians, but it came from some organic homeworld somewhere in the universe.   By the look on his faceplate, it looked as if Riptide was losing by…………. _a whole lot_.

            “I hope people are having a good time,” Megatron chuckled.

            “Last I heard, Ultra Magnus was talking about law and justice with some of their peace officers…which is likely **_heaven_** for him,” Skids laughed, organizing cans of Engex on the shelves behind him.  “Are you two going out in the _next_ shift then?”  He asked, glancing back at Rodimus.

            “I…still haven’t found out if his parole would allow it,” Rodimus said softly.  “And I’m not sure how well I’ll be in a crowd yet………….”

            “They do have a place you might be interested in…a rock or crystal museum or something.  I heard that you like looking at things that aren’t really art but are _things_ …” Skids said.

            “That was almost not very vague at all,” Megatron laughed.  “Are you really interested in something so _mundane_ , Rodimus?”  He asked, looking at the younger Cybertronian.

            “ ** _Geoarcheaology_** ,” Rodimus said.  “I like seeing the historical geologic formation on planets.  One of those odd little things no one would expect from me…Perceptor knows how much I like that stuff.”

            “I think I may like you even more, now…I’m looking forward to seeing more of your hidden quirks,” Megatron murmured, smiling at Rodimus.  “I think you need to show more of your real self to the crew…they need to see that you are more than just an ego out of control, they’ll like you a whole lot more.”

            “ ** _Pfft_** …I’ve _never_ been here to be liked, Megatron…I’m here to look for our predecessors, the Knights of Cybertron.  And to **_enjoy_** the journey,” Rodimus said, drowning his pleased smile in the glass of Engex he was holding.

            Skids chuckled softly.  Like most of the crew…he thought Rodimus was just like that, an ego out-of-control.  It never occurred to him that Rodimus was kind of faking it just to keep to himself.  But now hearing it said…it made sense that such an overwhelming ego really was faked.  But Rodimus’ charisma was real…that was a proven fact when they’d been aboard the _Vis Vitalis_ not so long ago…he could inspire others to do more and be better.  Skids had heard people say that Drift wrote Rodimus’ speech that he’d given before the launch on Cybertron…but now he wondered if Rodimus actually wrote it himself.  Drift didn’t seem the type to write something like that…and knowing Rodimus, a lot probably just came off the top of his head.  He was articulating his desires…which echoed amongst many Cybertronians.  He’d also heard how Rodimus regularly trashed his room, but it made sense…whenever he felt frustrated, he never let the crew see it…he took it out on his room.

            “Whoops…looks like Ultra Magnus came back early,” Skids laughed, seeing the Second-in-Command enter the bar.  “They must have said something that _annoyed_ him… _probably_ about the Galactic Council.”

            “Don’tlethimcomeoverheredon’tlethimcomeoverheredon’tlethimcomeoverhere…….” Rodimus mumbled under his breath, burying his head in his arms on the counter.  “Megatron…I treated him so awfully…please go keep him away…………” he murmured, glancing quickly over at Megatron. 

            “I will, but you’ll owe me one,” Megatron chuckled, patting Rodimus’ shoulder as he stood up and walked over to Ultra Magnus.  “Why are you back so early, Ultra Magnus?”  Megatron asked, smiling cheerfully at him.

            “I got _annoyed_ with some people I was talking with,” Ultra Magnus answered.  “Is that **_Rodimus_** …..?”  He asked, moving to walk over to the younger Cybertronian.   He had a good many things he wanted to talk to Rodimus about…………

            Megatron threw an arm out to block Ultra Magnus from going over to Rodimus.  “Not yet…he’s not ready yet, give him a little more time,” he said, softly.  “I barely managed to get him to come to the bar…and only because hardly anyone is around right now.   I don’t think he’s ready to face the ones he called friends right now…and that’s _you_ , as well.”

            “ _Hnnnnn_ …….” Magnus grumbled.

            “Ultra Magnus…can I ask about my parole?  If Rodimus were my escort, would I be able to go out for shore leave?”  Megatron asked, tilting his head at Ultra Magnus.

            “If he can’t even face his friends…why would he want to even go out to a planet full of strangers?” The old law enforcer inquired, firmly.

            “Because…I think I can get him to go out **_with me_** ,” Megatron chuckled.  “A very amazing thing just happened an hour ago…and I think going out for some fresh air would be good for Rodimus.  But he’ll _only_ go out with me.”

            “ ** _What?_**   That’s _stupid_ , he’s _never_ …………” Ultra Magnus trailed off, nearly spluttering his words, when suddenly Megatron’s very carefully chosen words hit him.  “ ** _Wait._**   Are you insinuating that **_you and he_** …?” The ship’s second began.  “I don’t believe it.  **_I seriously do not believe it_** …….” He mumbled, shaking his head.

            “He’s actually very… ** _cute_** ,” Megatron chuckled.  “I may be enamoured of him….. _but_.  From a friend’s standpoint, going out would be good for him…however, I fear his suicidal bent may entice him to make a run for it if he goes out on his own.  And I don’t believe he would go out with anyone else……….” he added.  “I think it’s me or no one at all.”

            “I will give the okay for this under one condition…you two give me an itinerary, let me know where you plan to be,” Ultra Magnus said firmly.  “I want to be able to find you both at a moment’s notice.  **_No matter what._** ”  The ship’s second paused for very dramatic effect.  “For both of your safety, I need to know where you are at all times.”

            “Skids told us there was a rock museum, and I have just heard of Rodimus’ interest in Geoarchaeology…so that will be the primary place we’re going,” Megatron replied, folding his arms in thought.  “If there’s a park or something where we can just take a quiet walk, then I would like to add that to the itinerary.  Those are the only things I have in mind…and it will probably be only a few hours, but……………that may be all he can handle right now, anyways.”  He glanced back at Rodimus, who still had his head buried in his arms on the bar counter.  “He’s opening back up, _slowly_ ……..but he’s lost the thing he had protecting himself with, that _ego_.  His ego’s gone and that’s what was protecting a lot of pain in the depths of his Spark.  Without his ego he’s………unsure of who to trust and who to call friend.   I understand some of the pain has to do with Deadlock— _I mean Drift_ —but I suspect something more…something **_older_**.”  Megatron sighed and shook his head.  “He crafted that ego long before his relationship with Drift…so something happened to him a long time ago for him to keep working on this ego as his shield.”

            “I know he’s older than people think he is,” Ultra Magnus murmured.  “Well, good luck.  If you need to change something, please tell me as soon as you can,” he added, with a nod, then he walked out of the bar.

            Megatron walked back over to the counter and sat back down next to Rodimus.  “He left…and he said we could go on shore leave together for a few hours, only if he knew where we were at all times,” he said, lightly patting Rodimus on the back.  “So…would you like to go and see that rock museum place?  Go out and get a bit of fresh air?”  He inquired, smiling at Rodimus when the younger Cybertronian raised his head up and looked over at him.

            “Just a couple hours?”  Rodimus murmured.

            “Yes…we’ll go see that museum and take a short walk for some exercise and relaxation,” Megatron responded, smiling warmly.

            “Okay,” Rodimus responded, quietly, picking his glass of Engex back up and burying a happy smile in it.

 

*     *     *     *     *

 

 

            Rodimus seemed to really be enjoying the rock museum.  He examined all the exhibits, occasionally telling Megatron little quips about the formation and strata and how you could tell how many centuries a rock had lived through and been shaped by.  Megatron absolutely had no interest in rocks of any kind, but seeing Rodimus in a better and more positive mood made him happy.  It was a good thing that the organic species of this world were very large in stature, so Megatron and Rodimus only had to hunch a little bit to tour the museum.

            “You really like rocks, don’cha, mister?” A child asked.  The child came up to about Megatron’s knee…and the parent with the child came up to right above Megatron’s waist.  The statement was addressed to Rodimus, who was sitting on the floor and closely examining a huge rock that was in the center of the room.

            “Yeah.  They’re…………….a huge statement of time and history,” Rodimus said, smiling down at the child.  “This large rock…it’s been through an ice age.  This strata **_right here_** …see how solid and compressed it is?  It’s quite large…the ice age had to be……..at least a hundred years or a bit more.  Probably closer to maybe…….three hundred, I’d say.  Just by the thickness of the strata.”

            “Scholars say it was about 278 years that the last ice age lasted,” the parent responded, gently patting their offspring’s head.

            “I thought rocks wore down over time…?”  The child said, puzzled.

            “Ones found above ground often do…wind and water wear down rocks,” Rodimus said, grinning down at the kid.  “But rocks that are buried are often in a state of _fossilization_ , they’ll wear down, but it’ll be a lot harder to wear it down and it’ll take a lot more time.”

            Megatron was very happy that Rodimus seemed to be brightening up.  After the child and parent left, they wandered the museum a bit more and then went towards the large nature walk area at the edge of the city.  The former Decepticon Leader paid the fare to enter the preserve and got a map of the paths.

            “You paid for the museum and the park……………really, you didn’t have to be so generous, I have shanix to spend as well,” Rodimus said softly.

            “Apparently I’m earning money, but I’m not allowed to spend it on very much,” Megatron responded.  “Books or other literary works that are approved **_only by Ultra Magnus_** …that same goes for art.   I can’t buy regular Engex at the bars and Primus forbid I actually go hunting circuit speeders or other forms of recreational drugs.”  Then he reached over and clasped Rodimus hand, fondly.  “Let me treat you and you just relax and enjoy it.”

            “Don’t…….don’t ever go looking for circuit speeders or the like,” Rodimus murmured.  “They’re _not_ good for you…I don’t care what they make you feel like.  Don’t sign your own death certificate by doing anything like **_that_** ………”

            “I _wouldn’t_.  I was making a joke, Rodimus,” Megatron said, firmly.   He didn’t realize Rodimus was so adamant against those things.  After all, Deadlock was a known syk-addict…and while he said he had given it up—there were probably many times he apparently fell back into using the Cybertronian drug.  “Was Drift still using them when you two were together?”  He asked, knowing he was probably digging into an aching wound.

            “He _promised_ me he wasn’t but…………I think he had a couple times.  I could just tell.  I dunno,” he answered, pulling his hand away from Megatron and moving a slight distance away from the ex-Decepticon.

            “Rodimus,” Megatron said, gently grabbing Rodimus’ arm to prevent him from running.  “I’m not trying to hurt you, by dredging up your past.  But I want to know your past, so I can help you heal…and become a part of your future.”  Rodimus looked up into his face…a look of pain so sad in his features.   “I have gotten to see the real you…kind, protective.  Even a bit gentle.  You buried all of this under an ego and recklessness.  Why did you do that?”

            “I didn’t want to answer……………because I don’t know if I can answer that properly anymore.  That’s really what that spider took……………..my recklessness, my confidence, my ego.  It took **_Blaze_** from me…I can _only_ remember his name now and that he was my original sparkmate.  I can’t remember anything else about him anymore.  It’s…………….it’s **_not fair_**.  The spider took Blaze from me and it’s _not_ fair…………..” Rodimus said in a horribly aching voice, trying very hard to yank his arm from Megatron’s grip.

            “ ** _Rodimus_**!”  Megatron said softly and firmly.  “It’s all right.  It’s _fine_ if you can’t remember, because of your injury.  Let me be here for you, and help you get better, _please_ ….” he added, gently.

            “Why?”  Rodimus whispered, sadly.

            “Because I like you a lot, Rodimus,” Megatron responded.  He gently placed a hand on the side of Rodimus’ face and leaned his head down to place their heads lightly against one another.  “And you’re right…it isn’t fair, what was taken from you.  But it is _gone_ and you have a chance to fill in that void.”

            “And…when you get executed?”  Rodimus said softly.

            “I am going to do my damnedest to _live_ now,” Megatron said.  “Now that I have **_someone_** to live for.”  Megatron gave a soft sigh.  “I will work the system and use it, to live beside you…wherever you wind up at.”

            “ ** _Pfft_** …….I would like to see you _try_ ,” Rodimus laughed softly.  “Let’s just forget about everything that just happened.  We had a good time at the museum, thanks for taking me.  I suppose this counts as the _Act of Proferrence_ …you gave me something I like.   When we get back………” he trailed off.

            “That had **_better_** end with you staying in my room,” Megatron teased.

            Rodimus laughed and gave a soft sigh, pulling away from Megatron to arm’s length and simply holding onto his hands.  “I will do my best to become a better companion for you.  I need to figure out who **_Rodimus_** is now…………” he answered.  “I promise………I’m done trying to kill myself.  All I _ever_ did was run.  Being trapped on the ship meant I had nowhere to escape from and so I thought death was my only way out.” 

            “Will you promise me that?”  Megatron asked, squeezing Rodimus’ hands gently.

            “Yeah,” Rodimus answered.  “I won’t do anything stupid or drastic.  Now _you_ …..you need to think of something to finish what we started, right?  Because if you don’t ask me for an _Act of Devotion_ …you’re no better than Drift and…………I may fall further into the darkness.”

            “Don’t worry about that…when I ask you for that, it will be _spectacular_ ,” Megatron chuckled.  “Until then…you need to **_live_** for me.”

            “I can’t believe all this went so _fast_.  Dammit……..I must really be desperate for companionship if I’m accepting **_Megatron_** as my partner,” Rodimus laughed softly.

 

 

*      *     *     *     *

 

 

            A few days later, the _Lost Light_ was back under way…following the next set of coordinates on the map to Cyberutopia, if that was indeed where the map was leading.   Rodimus kept good on his promise…he went back to his own room, he acted like a normal person.  He wasn’t wild and impetuous as he had been before, a bit quiet and introspective.  He apologized to Ultra Magnus…he apologized to the crew.  He came up to the bridge for his normal shifts of duty.  It felt as if things would settle back down to normal………..whatever **_normal_** was on this ship, at any rate.

            Megatron stared incredulously at the painted warnings on Brainstorm’s door for several moments before knocking on it.  He heard the Autobot’s muffled voice respond with something that sounded like _“enter at your own risk”_ , which Megatron took to mean _“come in”_ —and entered the room.  It was surprisingly a lot tidier than he was expecting it to be, knowing Brainstorm’s penchant for working on a dozen projects all at one time.

            “Oh, it’s **_you_** ……..I’m really not sure what to say in a situation like this.  Because I would never have expected you to come down here for a social call,” Brainstorm said, pulling himself out from under a covered table and standing up.  He made a motion of dusting off his hands and glanced around before gesturing at a chair.  “Have a seat, make yourself comfortable….am I doing that right?”  He chuckled, mostly to himself.

            “I know we generally have nothing to converse about, given…… ** _certain situations_** ,” Megatron began, electing to remain standing.  “But you went to the Academy with Rodimus.”

            Brainstorm tilted his head.  “I did.  Why do you want me to confirm something that’s recorded knowledge?”  He asked, his voice a bit hesitant and suspicious.   “Look…we weren’t best friends or anything like that.  We _barely_ knew each other…had a couple classes together, went on a few class trip missions together.  We generally know each other and that’s pretty much all.”  Brainstorm wasn’t sure where this was leading.  What a strange and awkward thing to hear from Megatron!

            “Did you know **_Blaze_**?”  Megatron asked.

            Brainstorm actually jumped and was between deciding if he should do something ridiculously drastic or not.  “Rodimus told you about Blaze?”  He asked, trying _not_ to do something very stupid.

            “No, but it’s because……….he _can’t_ ,” Megatron said.  “The incident on Injher 7 damaged a part of his brain……….”

            Brainstorm took a deep breath and sighed, turning around and planting his hands on the covered table behind him, facing away from Megatron.  “ ** _That_** explains it.  **_That’s_** why he didn’t run this time…why he tried to get out of it the _other way_ ,” the Autobot murmured softly.  “You know…….” he began, turning back to Megatron, “…….this might be a _good_ thing.  It would be nice if Hot Rod could be his old self again.  It’s been a long time.”

            “He remembers the name and that they were sparkmates, and it’s _hurting_ him,” Megatron said, in a very quiet voice.

            “Catalogue information in the brain.  The brain is pretty complex, but in simple terms…the brain has an index to the memories within it, as well as the memories.  Think of a Library…there’s all the materials and then there’s a catalogue of the materials.  Rodimus remembers the **_catalogue information_** of Blaze, but the **_materials_** are all gone,” Brainstorm said, plopping down in a chair and motioning with his hands as he spoke.  “He knows that the term of _‘sparkmate’_ means Blaze was obviously very _important_ to him, very _deeply_ …and that’s probably why it hurts, even if he no longer has memories of that blasted moron.”

            “I think I may need a **_bit_** more information than that,” Megatron chuckled, softly.

            “You remember that **_ego_**?  That **_recklessness_**?  That **_frustrating attitude_** you complained incessantly about when you came aboard the ship?”  Brainstorm said, leaning forwards and cupping his hands together, elbows on his knees.  “ ** _That_** was Blaze.  No one remembers what _Hot Rod_ was originally like…………..all they remember is _Blaze_.”

            “I think I see, but please…explain it out to me, in case I may be assuming this wrong,” Megatron replied, making a light waving motion with his hand.

            “They were close… _inseparable_ , true sparkmates,” Brainstorm answered.   “Blaze was annoying and reckless and an ego the size of Cybertron…Hot Rod had a mild personality, all things considered, he got along amazingly with people and had a lot of charisma.  They were _perfect_ for each other.  And with Hot Rod there to watch his back………..because you know what a fantastic sniper Rodimus is………..Blaze could be incessantly reckless with his life.  It’s not to say that Hot Rod couldn’t be a bit impetuous at times, but nothing like the Rodimus you knew……or the Rodimus that everyone else knew as well.”

            Megatron nodded.

            “But you know how high command could issue **_stupid orders_** in the way that _‘this is best for the situation’_?  Blaze was sent on a mission to _this_ place while Hot Rod got sent on a mission to _that_ place……………and, without Hot Rod to protect him, Blaze’s stupid recklessness got him killed,” Brainstorm sighed.  “Because I was on that mission, I had to be there when they told Hot Rod…and he was _devastated_.  And then he _ran_.  Hot Rod went AWOL and high command wanted him brought up on charges.”

            “Obviously high command was fairly lenient, because they let him come back and sent him on other missions,” Megatron stated, it was simple fact and in records.

            “When Hot Rod came back………..he _was_ Blaze.  He’d started acting as egotistically and recklessly as **_that jerk_**.  But……being friends with Chromedome and knowing how he was when he lost his partners……?  It wasn’t up to me to judge someone who chose to grieve their loved one by essentially _becoming_ their loved one.  If that was the way Hot Rod chose to cherish Blaze, it was his decision.  But he hated being on team missions…………and that was because he lost people every single time.  Every single time he lost someone…the ego and recklessness got _stronger_ ,” Brainstorm said, sadly.  “And each time he lost someone… ** _he ran away_**.  He ran, but always came back…that aggravating personality _even worse_ than before, every single time.  Pretty soon, it was the _only_ Hot Rod that anyone ever knew about.  When he exiled Drift……..I thought for sure he’d take one of the cutters and run for it, like he _always_ did when he was hurt.  It surprised me that he stayed…but it also looked like he’d lost his will to live.  And then…….you arrived……..and then this injury happened.”

            “I think, with Drift…it was because he felt he couldn’t run while he still had others to protect,” Megatron said, softly.  “Wouldn’t _that_ be more like Hot Rod?”  He chuckled.

            “Yeah, it would be,” Brainstorm replied with a soft chuckle as well.  “Seriously, though…why are you asking about this, Megatron?  Is it because you felt a duty of care towards Rodimus…because somehow you seemed to be the one taking care of him the last few weeks?”

            “Well now… _you’re_ the smart one, why do you think I should be feeling softer feelings towards someone so suddenly?”  Megatron chuckled, turning towards the door.  “Thank you, Brainstorm…it makes things a lot clearer on his loss and his pain…and why he’s acting like how he does.”

            Brainstorm laughed as he understood what Megatron meant with his words.  “All right, I’ll accept that…………but when you’re gone, I think he **_really will_** end his life.  I don’t think he can lose another sparkmate,” the Autobot said softly.  “Really…is _that_ what the hell you two were doing a few days ago?  I thought for sure you two were going to burn out your Sparks using avatars…you can’t get close enough in your Cybertronian forms?”  He laughed.

            “I should be surprised, but I’m not…you keep an eye on the avatar system constantly, do you?”  Megatron chuckled.

            “I keep trying to _improve_ it……..make it easier and efficient, but if you two keep doing things like that—I’d better work on that efficiency thing a hell of a lot faster,” Brainstorm answered, grinning under his facial shield.

            “If I burned out my Spark loving him, it would be a rather _fantastic_ way to go,” Megatron laughed, giving a wave back at Brainstorm as he walked out of the room.  He heard Brainstorm laughing heartily as he left.  Megatron had a feeling that within 24 hours, Brainstorm would have those avatars suddenly 200% more energy efficient!

            Now Megatron knew about Blaze.  The one who inspired the personality and ego that Rodimus had been protecting himself with for so many centuries.  Though Rodimus could no longer remember Blaze himself, nor that ego he’d crafted based on his former sparkmate…Rodimus knew of Blaze’s existence and it was an ache inside that he couldn’t even understand, nor deal with.   What was left was for Megatron to ask for an _Act of Devotion_ …he needed to ask Rodimus for something unique and special………..and _memorable_ , for the rest of all time.   Megatron had a feeling that once Rodimus had a sparkmate in the here and now, someone he knew and could remember—a bit of that pain of _“Blaze”_ would ease away inside of him.  But right now there was a vague memory of Blaze’s existence………the sparkache of exiling Drift, whom Rodimus had been getting close enough to almost follow through the rites of becoming _Conjunx Endura_ …………..and then something new and yet unfinished between the two of them.  Rodimus was in a state of ache and confusion and longing.

            But what could be _amazing_ enough…………and important enough………that Rodimus would cherish as the _Act of Devotion_?   That was the real quandary here.

            “Ah, Ultra Magnus……….may I speak to you for a few moments?”  Megatron asked as he caught the ship’s second coming out of the bridge area.  Ultra Magnus nodded and then walked over to the end of the hallway where Megatron had stopped and waited.  “Do you know Rodimus well?  Can you think of anything he would cherish?”

            “I didn’t even know about his interest in Geoarchaeology until you told me…I’m afraid I don’t know him all that well,” Magnus responded softly.  “But…have you asked him for some innermost Energon?”

            “It seems people give that away on a whim nowadays…I don’t know if that’s special enough…” Megatron murmured.

            “With Rodimus…….it _might_ be.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him give innermost Energon to anyone.  He is older than he seems, perhaps his beliefs are a bit old-fashioned as well?”  Ultra Magnus said, softly.

            “That could be possible……..I need to consider a way to make that more special than simply asking if he’ll give some to me though,” Megatron murmured.  “Perhaps…….I know Sentinel Prime abhorred liasons and relationships, so he cut down on such things……….but a _bonding ceremony_?  That’s very old and very old-fashioned……..and as far as I am aware, I don’t believe I’ve seen one occur in a very long time—at least not since Sentinel Prime generally outlawed them.”

            “I think you’re right…because of Sentinel’s beliefs, not a lot of people ever held public bonding ceremonies anymore.  People may have held more private ones, with a few friends, but to hear of _Conjunx Endura_ bonding ceremonies publically anymore is also far **_more rare_**.  It may be because of Sentinel and his beliefs…it may also have been because of the war,” Ultra Magnus sighed.

            “Did you know that Drift and Rodimus had gotten as far as the fourth act…?”  Megatron asked, quietly.

            “ _What_?  I really don’t know much, do I?”  Magnus sighed.  “That would explain why Rodimus completely destroyed his room after exiling Drift.  I was out of commission, but his room was still under construction when I came back.  With his efficiency system, he can basically sleep anywhere and not need a recharge slab…he was sleeping on the bridge all the time until his room was fixed.”

            “Ah……an efficiency system, _that_ explains why he kept trying to refuse using my recharge slab these last few weeks,” Megatron chuckled.  “Even so…it’s better to plug in to rest…so I made him do so and he fought me the whole time.”  Megatron laughed softly, mostly to himself.  “Looking back, I now think those moments more precious than being a tedious chore,” he said to Magnus, smiling at him.   “I have to think about the details of this some more, but at least I have a few ideas now.  Thanks for your input.”  Megatron inclined his head politely to Ultra Magnus and then walked down the hallway to head for his room.

 

 

 

 

**Next story:**   “ ** _Partners_** ”

 


End file.
